Who Will (and Should) Win Some GRAMMYs?

Oh, hey! What’s up? How was your weekend?

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Anyway, let’s talk about the GRAMMYs. Yes, they have a not-so-good history, the awards themselves are kind of meaningless, there are almost always egregious omissions, the choices they DO make are usually wrong and the parameters to receive awards are confusing, but it’s still the biggest music event of the year. Somehow.

Award shows are an excellent source of confirmation bias. If your musician/actor/director/whatever wins the award, good for you! You like good things. If they don’t win it, or weren’t even nominated for it, you can say they were robbed and continue harping on about how underrated they are. 

It’s low-pressure, and there are usually some musical performances in between. It’s also easy to talk about some of the more popular categories and select a winner, which is what we’re here to do today. Now, I don’t have time to go in-depth on EVERY choice in EVERY category, so I’m gonna give you two things - should win, and will win. Seems pretty self-explanatory. Let’s do it.

(If you want to look at the whole list for each category, here is a handy dandy link that shows everything. Okay NOW let’s do it.)

1. Record of the Year

Should Win: I Get a Kick Out of You - Tony Bennett, Lady Gaga

Will Win: I Get a Kick Out of You - Tony Bennett, Lady Gaga

I’m alright with the GRAMMYs giving this one to Tony. If you aren’t aware of his situation, he announced an Alzheimer’s diagnosis last February. He’s a living musical legend, and award shows tend to honor those people while they’re alive to receive the honor.

Bennett has 18 GRAMMYs to his name at this point, and it will be great to see him get another.

I wanted to select “Montero” for the track that should win, but this seems like a great opportunity to give Bennett a deserved last hurrah.

Also, WHAT is “Peaches” doing on this list? Go away, Justin. If you’re not making a spiritual successor to “PURPOSE: The Movement,” I don’t want it.

2. Album of the Year

Should Win: Planet Her - Doja Cat

Will Win: Evermore - Taylor Swift

Both of these albums are great, don’t get me wrong. I think “Planet Her” vs. “Evermore” is another instance of a longtime debate surrounding the GRAMMYs (no, not that one): Popular vs. Artistic.

“Planet Her” undoubtedly dominated popular music for the better part of its release cycle. It has “Need to Know,” “Get Into It (Yuh),” “Kiss Me More,” and a number of other really catchy songs that showed up everywhere from pop radio to Tiktok. Taylor Swift (and Kanye West, another potential dark horse for this category) are much more established artists with a history of award success (11 wins on 41 nominations for Taylor, 22 wins on an insane 70 nominations for Kanye). Taylor also had a huge year in terms of public reception, and won the award for her companion album “Folklore” last year.

I would give the award to “Planet Her,” because “Album of the Year” should denote massive popularity just as much as it does artistic merit. But, we all know the actual album of the year isn’t on this list, because the GRAMMYs don’t listen to Injury Reserve, I guess. Whatever.

I’m also a little disappointed that albums from more genres didn’t make the cut for this category. There’s a lot of pop representation, but I thought there were some rap and alternative albums that deserve to be up there. Last year’s list was way more diverse in terms of genre, and I had hoped they were headed that way in the future.

Also, seriously, stop putting Justin Bieber in the mix for these categories. I’m not kidding.

3. Song of the Year

Should Win: Leave The Door Open - Silk Sonic

Will Win: Happier Than Ever - Billie Eilish

I wasn’t crazy about any of the songs in this category, aside from “Montero,” but I think “Leave The Door Open” should win the category that gives credit to the songwriters. This song is incredibly well-written, and sets itself apart from anything else on this list by… being soul music.

So many of these tracks are pop-oriented, whether it be modern pop (“Bad Habits,” “Driver’s License”) or a more classic brand of pop (“Happier Than Ever”). “Leave The Door Open” is something different, and Bruno and Anderson .Paak deserve at least one GRAMMY for delivering on the hype they built up over this year, so they should get this one.

4. Best New Artist

Should Win: Japanese Breakfast, Arlo Parks

Will Win: Olivia Rodrigo

I hate this category. I really do. It doesn’t make sense, and I have beef with it. Nevertheless, winners have to be chosen.

I can also see this category’s results coming from a mile away, and I’m still mad about them! Japanese Breakfast, as I have ranted about before, released TWO albums, one traditional and one video game soundtrack, as well as writing a book, within the course of one year. She is an artist of the highest order, and all of her work to this point has been excellent.

Arlo Parks’s “Collapsed in Sunbeams” is also a hell of an entrance into the popular music lexicon, and she deserves credit for her excellent work.

Olivia Rodgrio is gonna win it, because she’s Olivia Rodrigo. She’s massively popular, and while she does have some songwriting chops, she doesn’t really hold a candle to what JB, Arlo, or even Baby Keem did this year. But, she’s gonna win it anyway. I just feel it in my bones.

At least Justin Bieber can’t touch this one. Wait, he’s on The Kid LAROI’s most popular track? Damn it.

5. Best Pop Solo Performance

Should Win: Positions - Ariana Grande

Will Win: Positions - Ariana Grande

I think it’s easy to say that Ariana had the best performance out of any of the nominations. I know it’s not 100% about the actual performance, but Ariana has some serious vocal chops and does a great job on “Positions.”

I expect her to get GRAMMY number three.

Guess who’s on the list again! Go away!

6. Best Pop Duo/Group Performance

Should Win: Kiss Me More - Doja Cat, SZA

Will Win: Butter - BTS

The GRAMMYs do not want to incur the wrath of the BTS Army. They had to give them a nomination, and they’ll more than likely give them their first GRAMMY win after nominating them for this same category last year.

Doja Cat and SZA deserve it, because they absolutely kill it on “Kiss Me More,” more than Coldplay, BTS, Tony and Lady Gaga, or… God damn it.

I’m gonna skip around for the next few categories here, because I wanna keep this decently brief.

7. Best Rock Album

Should Win - No One Sings Like You Anymore Vol. 1 - Chris Cornell

Will Win - No One Sings Like You Anymore Vol. 1 - Chris Cornell

Man, this category is brutal. You know it’s a bad time for rock music when the nominations include a live album (it’s Black Pumas, but still) and a posthumous cover album.

Said posthumous cover album should win, and will win, because Chris Cornell’s influence on rock music as a member of Soundgarden and Audioslave should not be undersold, and it was a treat to hear his voice again, especially if these are the last new tracks we’ll hear from him.

Seriously though, GRAMMYs, could we not get black midi on here? Or Black County New Road, or even like Nick Cave? Rock music is changing, and AC/DC and Paul McCartney, despite being living legends of the genre, are not emblematic of where it’s going.

8. Best Alternative Music Album

Should Win: Jubilee - Japanese Breakfast

Will Win: Shore - Fleet Foxes

I’m picking one of the albums I liked the least to win the actual award, because this category ALWAYS disappoints me. At least it’s not Beck or Thom Yorke this year. They always win it, and it makes me mad every time.

I will not go on about Japanese Breakfast again, but Jubilee is one of my favorite albums from 2021, and it deserves the world. Arlo Parks, yet again, also deserves a win, and I’d be happy to see her get it here.

I wouldn’t be mad if St. Vincent took the award home as well, but I thought “Daddy’s Home” was more traditional rock-influenced than alternative.

9. Best R&B Album

Should Win: Temporary Highs In The Violet Skies - Snoh Aalegra

Will Win: We Are - Jon Batiste

Jon Batiste really took the leap into musical prominence this past year. He’s been singing and dancing his way in that direction for a while, but his work on Disney/Pixar’s “Soul” really catapulted him into the limelight. 

“We Are” is pretty good, and his newly-found fame will get him at least one GRAMMY as a result, but “Temporary Highs In The Violet Skies” is a fantastic album.

It has great features and production (I <3 you Tyler), standout jazz-y vocals from Aalegra, and instrumentals that compliment Aalegra’s laid-back attitude. I know she probably won’t win it, but she should.

10. Best Rap Performance

Should Win: Family Ties - Baby Keem, Kendrick Lamar

Will Win: my . life - J. Cole, 21 Savage, Morray

“Family Ties” has only grown on me every time I’ve listened to it. Great instrumentals and multiple smooth beat switches, a near-perfect performance from Keem and some great bars from Kendrick, and the virality that has defined the music industry for the past few years. 

I’m actually listening to it as I write this, and bobbing my head and grinning. It’s awesome. Also, this isn’t the VMAs, but I fully expect the music video to take some awards.

“my . life” and its annoyingly stylized title are also fantastic. I’m indifferent about J. Cole, and don’t see the greatness that many others do, but even I can admit how good this song is. There’s some great vocal performances here, I love the instrumental, and it sounds a lot like… well, “A Lot,” the track that won J. Cole his only GRAMMY to date.

I was going to rant about “Way 2 Sexy” not being a very good song, and “Certified Lover Boy” not being a very good album, but apparently Drake has decided to withdraw his two nominations, as of, like, an hour or so ago. So, I won’t be bullying Aubrey for not evolving stylistically today.

11. Best Rap Album

Should Win: Call Me If You Get Lost - Tyler, The Creator

Will Win: Call Me If You Get Lost - Tyler, The Creator

“CMIYGL” is just fantastic. It’s not as good as “IGOR” or “Flower Boy,” but it’s still on the level I’ve come to expect from Tyler. It has only grown on me with each listen, I love every feature (especially YB, somehow), I love every song, and it feels like a love letter to 2000s rap mixtapes (thank you DJ Drama) that was made with care.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Nas’s follow-up “King’s Disease II” wins either, because the GRAMMYs love him and his insanely large discography. “Donda,” as I mentioned before, is a dark horse for AOTY, and is thus a dark horse here as well. Even “The Off-Season” is deserving of some recognition, as it’s some of J. Cole’s best work.

Alright, that’s it. I’m also gonna go on the record and say I’m furious that the likes of Louis C.K., Marilyn Manson, and Dave Chapelle are nominated for awards. Just a shame how cancel culture ruins people’s careers, to the point where they… are nominated for GRAMMYs. I hope they all lose.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading, and I hope I didn’t make you mad. I’ll come back to these predictions and picks after the awards next year, and see how well I did.

I just hope my favorite folks win. Lil Nas X, Tyler, Japanese Breakfast, Arlo Parks, Hiatus Kaiyote, I am in your corner. GRAMMYs, do NOT do them like you did Phoebe last year.

Okay, bye! Miss you already. Talk to you Thursday, about whatever I decide to do.